i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
FUCK WHALES
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
