I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
