hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
