I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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