plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
