On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
