there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
