He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
