nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
