____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
