I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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