you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
