A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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