Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
