If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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