Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
