If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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