i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
