jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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