What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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