The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
