Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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