i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
