I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
