he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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