i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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