I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
