Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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