The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
