drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
