dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you had me at cake vodka
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
