And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
