"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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