used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
