well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
