also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There are leaves in my underwear?
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