There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
