So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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