Where did you get a picture of my penis
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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