Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
