highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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