I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
