also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
