kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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