But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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