you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
