I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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