Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
