i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
