So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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