You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
