apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
