If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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